I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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