i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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