I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
