I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
