im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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