Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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