I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
