i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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