their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
