Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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