remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
