I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
