He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
