Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ruined the universe
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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