I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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