Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
