Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
