I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
