Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize