Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
