he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
