went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
