nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
