we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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