I think my vagina is haunted
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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