really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
