I hope mine doesn't look like that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
