he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just had sex on a roof
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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