you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
