Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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