my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
