That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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