dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
