He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
