i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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