No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
