Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
should my penis look like a turkey
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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