so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I enjoy the company of your penis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
