I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
