Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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