Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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