Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
