Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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