she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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