that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
