woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
