Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
