I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
