My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
