There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
