capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
