yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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