How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
