And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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