:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
