You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
