Will you blow on my dice?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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