sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
