i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
