it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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