me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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