I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize