Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
