Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize