Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
