my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
