I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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