take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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