im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
