Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
