Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
