Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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