I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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