Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
