We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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