I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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