I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
