I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
