My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
