Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
