You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
